freak on a leash

ack, what’s wrong with me? i’m writing blog entries more than my dose of writing poetry these days. shame on you, eva. wait–as if a lot of people read my blog. what’s the use of having a blog, then? it’s simply because i like listening to my self talk in written words. and i like my hemmingway theme. tee-hee. i actually opted to have no links, with only a few people familiar with this site. and of the handful who knows this site, do they read my blog in the first place? it’s heaven for me, this obscurity. so if you’re reading this, you’re a freak like me! there, there. it’s not all that bad.

i am an obscure girl in a sea of animals hungry for attention (or profit, tee-hee). i know people who brag about their blogs having so many hits. there are days i like cocky guys, but some people’s fucking cockiness disappoints me. (where are you, adrien brody, when i need you during hysterical days?)

i’d like to pay homage to a long-lost friend whose blog i suddenly stumbled upon. a bit of this post’s history: i am currently editing articles for another mag, while my load for my own mag is suffering (choices, choices). everytime i finish an article, i surf the net. it’s like resting my mind. i stumbled upon this long-lost friend’s blog, and it’s a fucking sunshine for me in this bleak week.

oh, you whom i spent grade 7 days with, you amaze me. it’s light years ago, very much in the archives of our memories, but my grade 7 year is very solid in my mind. we were students of the most terror teacher, but we managed to smoke cigs beside her during Peace Camp while she was snoring her way to Dreamland (sorry, teacher, bad girls). we cut classes, we memorized TLC’s rap, we borrowed indie tapes from trina’s sister (who turned out to be Barbie Almalbis *gasp*). you had crushes on winona ryder (up until now!) and keanu reeves. i drooled over edward furlong and jonathan brandis. you wrote songs, i wrote poetry. you smoked cigs, well, i smoked, too. we were two girls out of five who were into rock music while others were singing pop-fuck songs, and we grooved over bone thugs n harmony. you had a crush on J.S. and i had a crush on a high school teacher (who by the way is still single, and i believe, in the deepest space of my heart, that he’s waiting for me. *insert snorting laughter here*) (god bless my lusting soul).

and so i’ve stumbled upon your blog, and you are little miss sunshine to me. i’m lazy to contact you and have chitchat over fruit shakes and coffee. you’ll be my jar of cookies high up on the shelf, you’ll be my dream when nightmares choke me, you’ll be my rock song to wound all pop songs, you’ll be my invisible billboard of fun hysterics everytime people wound me in mundane days, i’ll hear your small voice everytime i listen to urbandub’s songs.

for days gone by: TLC’s rap part in “Waterfalls”

“I seen a rainbow yesterday. But too many storms have come and gone, leavin’ a trace of not one God-given ray. Is it because my life is ten shades of gray. I pray all ten fade away. Seldom praise Him for the sunny days….”


One thought on “freak on a leash

  1. Artsypooh says:

    Well I read your blog. Which makes me a freak by your books. Which is true, anyway. 🙂

    My grade 7 was hell. I was the new kid in the honors section, and I felt that the people there were just mean. Made me decide to sink back into obscurity. To avoid those snobbish honor section kids.

    Had my first cig a year later. In high school.

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