“live, write, be.” – sacred circle, ssc manila, lightyears ago and a few lifetimes after
i was never a real atenean, the kind who watches uaap games and cheers with the blue babble. i don’t even know by heart the lyrics of our alma mater…all i know is the line, “mary for you, for your white and blue…” what lyrics. i scoffed at girls who looked very made up, who looked like they’ve stepped out of vogue’s fashion shoots. some guys were prettier than myself, and they tried to look bored and superior. (while a few guys snagged at my heart and bruised it a bit). i tried to not stand out by being my nicey-bitchy self and by immersing myself in ateneo’s lovely trees, ducks and old buildings. my orgs were very open, and i immensely enjoyed my being a member and eventually an officer there. areas occupied my time, and in the mornings, i’d be seen rushing off to the library to cram especially for the subjects with terror teachers. the filipino section of our library was my favorite nook: it was cozy for quick naps. and i’d be seen clutching rushdie’s satanic verses. or any third world lit book as part of our reading requirements. i could never understand how i graduated with a fucking title, but i thank god for giving me that honor. he simply helped me while i coasted along. i was never a real atenean, i was my real self in college. i wore what i wanted, i cursed aloud, i got scolded by one of the terror teachers, i psychologically seduced one teacher so that i can ace his very difficult oral exams (thank god for Ralph Lauren perfume for women> it works wonders, i assure you). i cared a lot for others, i cried and laughed, and lived wondrously with beautiful children and beautiful people. my god, i can still remember listening to U2 songs under the trees and feeling like i can write the seven ultimate poems in my life. i held special people close to my heart, and it pointed me to a silent place where flight was possible. i lived, wide-eyed, in stupor, in love with god’s worlds. it was euphoria, it was a drug that went ricocheting right within my soul.