weight for me

let me tell you something about ducks and trees.
i didn’t like admu at first.
i was so deadset on going to UP, i almost had a placard made: UP or bust.
i made it a point to look forward to something, anything, to drive me to
like the school. and that’s when i fell in love with the ducks at Meron lagoon
and the fire trees in the campus. i held on to them, and they made me drag myself from my bedroom to the bathroom to the dresser to school.
you are one of my ducks.
the difference is you didn’t belong to any flock. naturally. you are a loner, like me, and we
found solace in our differences. i would never confess the depth of how i value our friendship, for fear of being too emotional or being misunderstood. or being shunned away. and so i looked forward to your laughter, because that is the one thing i had to master before beginning to sound a bit genuine, and real laughter is just so rare in my sphere.
and the time for you to fly to your own south is just around the corner.
one of my most loved poets is louise gluck. read:

First Memory

Long ago, I was wounded. I lived
to revenge myself
against my father, not
for what he was—
for what I was: from the beginning of time,
in childhood, I thought
that pain meant
I was not loved.
It meant I loved.

it meant i love. it meant we love. what a life. what a beautiful twisted life.
so everytime you give me a hug, grant me that extra second of moment in that embrace. before you fly off.

 

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One thought on “weight for me

  1. […] is not a ploy to attract you to read on.) roughly a year ago, i wrote an entry with a title, “weight for me.” i wrote it for a very nice person who was meant to leave my […]

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