i remember us talking about a person very close to your heart. you were so giddy. and it was a feat for you to open up, both of us not used to you being open to talking about matters of the heart. i listened to you, while you tried hard to level the mood, temper your excitement. but it was all there, the warmth, the indefinite longing, your sighs. he has a girl, but you and the guy have a past; in short, he is The One That Got Away. i wanted to tell you my stories, too. show you my own wounds—Exhibit A journal entry # 201, and so forth; to tell you that you shouldn’t allow him to get away, but i was intrigued and fascinated by your own sets of wounds that i kept my mouth shut and flew with you to the sky.
i am physically tired. i still have bad dreams, and i am afraid to sleep. i need a perfect drug: something that’s legal, will not cause hallucinations, will make me embrace sleep and not fear it, will not cause desire to maim asshole-bike riders and stupid, shallow morons; something that i can carry to a cinema without alarming the guards, something that even sweet guard dogs will love.
it’s funny whenever i accidentally leave my house keys in the house. what happens is i get paranoid especially if my mom is at home. she is usually roused by the racket our dogs cause. with my keys, i am quick to rush to my dogs, shush them, and hug them. but without my keys, darn, they make such a racket to let me in. and my mom wakes up, and talks to me as if it were a normal weekday morning, as if she is very lucid to scold me about coming back to the house at hours when angels are sleeping. gripes, gripes, this happened to me last night, thus the ranting.
a friend went on a semi-alarming depression stage. we are so much alike; sometimes, we finish each other’s sentences, or voice out almost the same thoughts. i wonder: if life gives me hell, will i react like that friend? i remember my almost-futile efforts to save her. will i steel myself also and hide from the world?
another secret out: aside from the beautiful spots (india, anyone?) i’d like to visit in the near future, i am also wishing/pining for a little discovery: that i stay at /find a place where makahiyas, wishing feathers, and fireflies abound. now, if i find that place, i’d be settling there, and treat tan-awan village (baguio) as my second home. if you know of a place that fits my description, i’d give you a portion of my (non)-wealth, a fragment of my soul, and a month of servitude.
current pc wallpaper in the office: dali’s temptation of st peter
previous pc wallpaper in the office: gael garcia bernal (yes, i love him, and if he asks me out with lovely words coming out of his shit-even-guys-and-angels-fall-for-your-lips lips, i would not bat an eyelash. i would tell him, yes, let’s go, we’ve wasted years. now na.)
current pc wallpaper at home: scarlett johansson (she is amazing)
previous pc wallpaper at home: TUGON photo (myself and my friends carrying one baby each during a babies’ day out activity. we looked so comfy holding the babies, and it was funny because the respective babies we held that time looked just like us. i held monica; i miss her.)
1) failed to drop by doulos
2) failed to be more industrious in work
3) failed to stop thinking about somebody
4) failed to watch indie films
5) failed some people
1) god loves me, and i am his kid
2) my dogs love me. well, ashley does. jomari is very snotty. hmpf
3) having another photo of myself with a mascot. ye-hey!
4) my persistent hunger in reading books
5) i saw my guy idol. hehe. he is a very smart and jolly man.
6) managed to be nice to some annoying people. yey!
7) weight of words in my poetry