“waking life”

“(The song) said it all! … After we got together he made me write out a list of all the men I’d slept with before we met. I started to do it quite casually – then I realised how serious it was to John. He didn’t even like me speaking Japanese because that was a part of my mind that shut him out.” – yoko ono

jealous guy

i was dreaming of the past
and my heart was beating fast
i began to lose control
I began to lose control
i didn’t mean to hurt you
i’m sorry that i made you cry
oh no, i didn’t want to hurt you
i’m just a jealous guy

i was feeling insecure
you might not love me anymore
i was shivering inside
i was shivering inside

i didn’t mean to hurt you
i’m sorry that i made you cry
oh no, i didn’t want to hurt you
i’m just a jealous guy

i didn’t mean to hurt you
i’m sorry that i made you cry
oh no, i didn’t want to hurt you
i’m just a jealous guy

i was trying to catch your eyes
thought that you was trying to hide
i was swallowing my pain
i was swallowing my pain

i didn’t mean to hurt you
i’m sorry that i made you cry
oh no, i didn’t want to hurt you
i’m just a jealous guy, watch out
i’m just a jealous guy, look out babe

 

“yesterday, i was singing along to this song while my heart was doing little dances. then it hit me: john lennon remains in me, my holy relic, my statue in the middle of an island,” she muses.

“what are you saying, that you’re in love with him?” he asks.

“i wasn’t talking to you, i was talking to the retard inside me.”

“i can be as retarded as the one inside you,” he volunteers.

“you can’t. it’s one of the laws of nature.”

“why? is it because i can’t open my eyes underwater? is it cos i drink lousy?” he asks.

“no. because you’re clean, like a white cloth inside a vault.”

“i don’t want to be clean if you prefer dirty tablecloth and stinky socks.”

“i wasn’t talking about habits. i was thinking about being dirty and yet being clean. like an angel with a wine stain on the hem of her tunic.” she gets up and leaves.

“wait, i’ll drop you off.”

“no, thanks. i gotta finish this book at the park.”

“i can go with you. lots of assholes there. you remember when somebody touched your butt? i wasn’t there….”

“it’s okay. i have my jacket. they won’t notice me.”

“i want to be with you. why do you always leave?”

because once you made a decision, and i took it like a goddamn man. because the signs were telling you otherwise, and you ignored them. now i’m past everything, and i’m trying to annoy you just because.

“because i’ve been dead since some lousy fan shot one of the greatest persons on earth. i happen to love catcher in the rye and my john lennon.”

she left, an avenging angel tearing a boy’s heart to pieces.

 

there are two kinds of sufferers in this world: those who suffer from a lack of life, those who suffer from the overabundance of life.” – richard linklater, waking life

 

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