(this post was created days ago)
i’m a lazy friendster user. a former colleague built a friendster account for me, and i’ve maintained it since then out of politeness. i have a rule: i never do the inviting; i always wait to be invited. so suki, one of my dearest friends whom i am prepared to donate blood to or limbs or bone marrow if the need arises, isn’t my friendster friend simply because she hasn’t invited me yet. now, i read in my yahoo mail that somebody wishes to add me up, and that somebody happens to be one of the cutest guys i’ve met in college. and so, despite my rigorous drive for self-control, i got kilig. even if i’m sure he’s married by now or has migrated. even if i’m sure it doesn’t mean anything, i got kilig. darn. i hate chemical reactions.
one of my pet peeves is meeting people who are not sincere. there have been lots of times i was hurt inadvertently, and that taught me to be more considerate of people. but there are really those times that reveal a nasty side of a person’s character that causes me to stop fighting for it. i’ve read somewhere that there are times you just walk away. now i’m being taught to walk away even if every step is painful.
it’s my stepmom’s death anniversary this october. it’s been 7 years, and i owe it to God’s grace that i managed to go on. there is only a handful who really know of my regard for her. suffice it to say that, based on mitch albom’s fiction, i would like her to be one of the five people i meet in heaven. that would be the day. can’t wait, man.
when i was a kid, i was often sad and preferred not to talk to anyone. fast forward to adult years, and it appears only little has changed.
but!! there are things and people around to cheer me up now. like my dogs. my collection of songs. my books. cheese. my friends. hugs. prayers said to Him. swimming. good news like mikael co winning first prize in the Palanca for Poetry (i used to have a crush on him; i’m pretty confident that this blog’s very small pool of readers doesn’t know him, thus the honesty). a familiar scent. poetry books. rainy days. a kid’s laughter. krishna. luna.
everything else, like sadness, or harsh words and mean actions, shy away under these shards of light.