in between clean-ups

Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary.
What we need is to love without getting tired.
(Mother Teresa)

on sunday evening, my swimming session was cut short due to a heavy downpour. darn. instead of killing brain cells in front of the TV or working away in front of my laptop, i decided to clean the bottom part of my closet. this area was, to put it shortly, a trove of “trash” (read: not my stuff but my siblings’).

i rummaged inside a tattered knapsack, and serendipity hit me. there were recollection letters from frances feranil and from my good friend tider; triccia sucgang’s photo plus her letters; and cham’s birthday card to me. these plus an unopened birthday card (for my 17th birthday, imagine) from rexie (my ex and my shrine), and a card from the most wonderful person to have ever touched my life. this card i read with much fervor. if someone had tried grabbing it, i would have bitten his or her hand off.

and then lo and behold, i found a letter and sheets of muppets stickers from my “big sister” all the way from first year high school initiation process (of course, being a catholic school scared of parent’s association, my school renamed it as “integration”. bull.). i guess if forgiveness were a taste, it would be altogether bland—an absence of revolting bile. it used to be that whenever a scholastican reminded me of initiation, i had the urge to throw up, mainly because my “big sister” gave me hell: she and her barkada made me a the leading “actress” among all their little sisters due to my surname. they had us re-enact (although we weren’t aware of the show at all. must be due to age gap.) the show that bore my surname. of course, i was the star and the main butt of the joke. after that week-long torture, she had the gall to give me a letter of sisterly advice and expression of gratitude. what, for making fun of me? i didn’t know why i didn’t tear the letter months after its receipt. 12 years after, a bit wiser, a bit less rowdy, still a butt of jokes sometimes, i’ve torn the letter and kept the stickers.

there was also a time my “big sister” was featured in an article featuring techies who couldn’t let go of their aged-old gadgets. that time, i was a newbie EA. too bad i wasn’t able to ask for her contact info from volts. i would have gone up to her and scratched her eyes out. f*ck her (and her family tree) for trampling on my esteem

to punctuate my day and to cleanse myself from remnants of wrath, i read hope for the flowers and fell in love all over again with yellow and stripe. i read the card from rexie (side story: this act was odd, as if i summoned him, because that very same night, after three months of zero communication, he called me up and passed by my house. sign? overreading? dense?). and then i read the card from the most wonderful person in my life, and i was brought to tears.

milan kundera should be credited for owning the phrase, unbearable lightness of being. there, i got my favorite phrase, lightness and weight, for this blog. these two are what make up my life. these two make me want to jump off a cliff, kiss the air and then hug the ground. what a life recorded in letters and surprising finds in one dusty closet corner. it’s like shining a light on a forgotten path that is, surprisingly, one of the ways towards Home.


3 thoughts on “in between clean-ups

  1. superupper says:

    Hindi pa din tapos ang swimming sessions mo??!?!?! At di mo pa ako sinasama!?!? Ano ba!!!!!!

  2. superupper says:

    I ❤ hope for the flowers too!

  3. weight of words says:

    tapos na with coach joe, pero i try to swim pa rin every sunday for exercise. 😀 and yes, di pa rin kita isasama. 😀

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