but we’re always through with youth

while working in the office (I go there once in a while), my officemate played Linger by the Cranberries. apart from my sudden respect for him for that song choice, he ushered in a long tucked away memory way back from Grade 7.

there we were, Frances Feranil and some other classmates whose names I can’t recall, gushing about our favorite bands. and then Cathy said, “I have the tape” (yes, dear reader, there used to be a time when cassette tapes existed). i asked if I could borrow it since I adored Linger and Dreams. the very next day, she had the set with her, and my weekend was tumultuously tremendous.

so. tape and all, dreams and lingering, cathy and I became a couple for a brief time — probably four months. i remember we even had matching Minnie Mouse rings and held hands under our schoolbags.

of course, we were young, the school was against us, I denied our relationship when I was grilled by a teacher, I shunned her away. years after when we got to talking (I think she went to ADMU, too. oh no, my memory is failing me!), she confessed that she was so terrified of me that upon realizing she misplaced her Cranberries tape, she went right ahead and bought a new one from the records store. that’s why the tape looked really new sans the frayed edges in the sleeve.

sometimes, I wonder if all along she feared me. but no worries — i kinda liked it, being feared.

i leave you with an achingly true line for some from the song: “you know I’m such a fool for you, you got me wrapped around your finger. do you have to let it linger?”

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4 thoughts on “but we’re always through with youth

  1. I searched for the lyrics of No Umbrella by Cynthia Alexander because I wanted to send my girlfriend a nice sad song to listen to by the time she flies back to LA, that’s how I stumbled upon your blog. and For some weird reason, even if i just read the lyrics (which weren’t your words) I had a feeling there’s something gay about you. When I read the fantasy thing you have as your blog’s subtitle, I knew you were gay. When I read this, I smiled. 🙂

    -K

    • weight of words says:

      this entry confirmed your thoughts, then. 🙂 the subtitle is from daniel clowes’ ghost world or the screenplay itself. it’ s a very poignant quote. yes, i am part of the lgbt world. it’s so surprising how coming out is a never ending process. i visited your blog, too. 🙂

  2. Kumi says:

    Here’s my personal website. PLUS i input my email. If you’re interested, email me.

    PS. literally, i saw ur blog and i knew ur gay. im just glad to have confirmed it soon
    PPS. What is that quote again? from a book? i love books. tell me more

    K

    • weight of words says:

      it’s from ghost world, a graphic novel. apart from the movie of the same title, it inspired aimee mann to create a song called ghost world that’s in her “bachelor no. 2” album.

      apart from music, i love books, too, that’s why i dig Jorge Luis Borges’s idea about books: “I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library. (https://evaluna08.wordpress.com/2010/06/14/look/)

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