I know that…

..I need to see a specialist. Don’t worry, it’s nothing serious, but it’s all in the mind. Do you get it? If you’ve spent time with me, you’d be sure to know what I’m talking about.

I don’t have sociopath tendencies, but I do have some mild strains. I can name a number of instances, and I’m sure quite a handful of people will volunteer to give testimonies.

In a recent party, I asked a doctor-to-be if some of my tendencies are related with what I need to have checked. Using her state of the art gadget and her medical references, she said yes and a lot more, as in a lot more (but I didn’t understand the bulk of what she said because my attention was straying away. She sent me the file because she knew. Good girl. Haha!).

(Let’s insert a line from one of my favorite songs by Rilo Kiley: “I’m bad news, bad news, bad news”)

Anyway, so another good friend said it shouldn’t be a strict script that I am to live by. I could change things. I know I could, and I’ve been trying, but it’s not a piece of cake. It’s akin to an invisible cannonball that I carry around wherever I go.

So picture me looking for a stick of happiness outside a village where my uncle resides. I finally found a store selling one. I found it odd that the helpers there were too perky. I chatted them up (you know my alter ego and my nosy self that just needs to bombard people with questions as if I were on a perpetual interview assignment), and in the course of my prying, Ate gay (as in he’s this cute, gay boy) cried. Yes, I made a stranger cry. I didn’t get it, but my sister instantly got it. Later on she would say, “Siyempre, malungkot sila kasi malayo sila sa family nila. Nagwo-work sila on Christmas Day.”

And I said: “Oh. Di ko na-gets yon. Automatic ba yon? Shucks, pinaiyak ko si Ate gay.”
(Insert another line here, this time from an Aimee Mann song: “And everything I’m doing’s wrong, but at least I’m hanging on”)

Ate gay forgave me right then and there to the point that he wanted to usher me in and join them for a round of beer and videoke. Yes, at 10AM.

In other news: I’m just so glad Christmas is over.

One highlight of doing groceries in this crazy season is catching this slogan on a guy’s shirt: “feelings are boring, kissing is awesome”. The rest are just about my compliance to social norms and watching my mother throw tantrums. It scared me because I saw a facet of my future self if I live long enough a la deirdre burroughs minus the bank assets and the amazing wardrobe. @_@

Aggressive femmes are scary, and they fit the mold that I fear most. Yet, I remain captivated and fascinated by women. I’m just welcoming the return of my old self who just took a slight detour these past two quarters. It’s about molting right back to my old skin. “Look, the old gang is back.”

His name is Noah, and he is my pamangkin. "I'll eat you up, I love you so!"

"And they roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth"

My left hand is now happy to be weighed down by a ring on each finger.

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